What to say here? I mean it’s been so long since I’ve given this corner of my life proper attention, so where to start?
Let’s see, when/where exactly did I leave off? I imagine things started drying up here, around Luc. Errr, I mean Thanksgiving. Oh fucking forget it – it’s my blog, and therefore no room for diplomatic bullshit – let’s call a spade a spade… it was around Luc. Who is Luc you might be wondering, luc was a boy I met and briefly Dommed in Second Life. So here I sit poised to tell you about Luc and I pause, because in all my time –here- (virtual D/s relationships) I’ve made conscious effort to avoid airing my “dirty laundry” like that. Why you may wonder, because the internet and therefore blogs/forums are not only instantaneous but also to some degree – permanent. So I’ve done my best to avoid showcasing the negative, ugly, disappointing aspects of my life #1 because who wants to read shit like that besides MAYBE my enemies, and I don’t write for them. And possibly more importantly #2 when I go back and reread things I much prefer them to be fun, exciting, sexy, and/or provocative… not whiny – I mean maybe I’m nuts, but I prefer to soak in the victories vs. wallowing in the mire.
So anyway, back to luc (by the way – my net just dropped and will be down for a few hours – gotta love Comcast. But hey, I don’t need the net to write, just to publish, so I’m betting I get this entry done and maybe even some homework and housework.) Where was I? Oh that’s right, luc… can you like almost see me dragging my feet on this topic? I first met luc in like Augustish of 2007. I met him in the lounge at Bouddicea, a Femdom sim in SL. He was “cute” (his avatar anyway) and shy – and oh lordy am I a sucker for shy boys, but I wasn’t looking or anything and the next time I saw him (about a month or so later) my close friend Cori was into him. Before too long Cori had claimed luc as her own. It should be said that Cori and I became close – probably as close as Cori could be to another Domme, and I was even second on a couple of her boy’s collars. Through repeat exposure luc slowly began to open up to and around me and Cori often told me that he’d talk about how he “liked” me.
It should be said here, that there was a lot of stuff going on in Cori’s personal life. Stuff that most of us had NO clue about, and those of us that did have a clue only knew teenie bits of the “real” story. Being a sensitive person I can usually “tell” when there’s something else going on with someone I’m close to, but she (like many of you) wouldn’t open up to me. So I felt pushed away.
Anyway, fast forward 1.5 months and luc disappeared. It was in the middle of one of Cori’s moves. (She maybe be the one person I know in SL that moved more than me) As I was saying Cori was mid move and luc was helping. From what they both told me, he was setting up the dungeon when he abruptly announced, “I can’t do this. I got to go.” And oh boy, did he go?! So, after a few days of Cori fretting over him, I decided to try contacting him myself. And he replied. So I met him in SL, to try and figure out what was up with him.
His story basically boiled down to him feeling that he couldn’t belong to someone he didn’t respect. (which I “get”) That he didn’t trust her and didn’t feel he could talk to her with any hope of a positive outcome. (which I kinda “get”) And that he was almost embarrassed to be affiliated with her, claiming her foul language, belching, and teeth picking had driven him away. I felt bad for him. I felt bad for her. I explained to him that while there was no shame in asking to be released and then leaving due to personality clashes/incompatibility/etc, it was totally wrong and beneath them both for him to “run away”. I went on to encourage him to message her and tell her he had left her home and why. He was hesitant, but I let him know that I would lose a lot of respect for him if he didn’t – I even said I’d never take anyone on that left his or her former that way. I should also mention that while he was telling me about his problems with Cori, he was also telling me all kinds of things Cori had supposedly said about/done to me – things that I’d never expect from my “friend”.
So he acted scared and confused, and plucked all my mommy dommy strings with skill, and I offered refuge in my home while he figured out what was next for him. It wasn’t entirely innocent since his refuge included a clandestine land purchase and home move. But I took the lil lost puppy in. And with a few days I had locked a collar on him. It may have been the first day when he started telling me about his fetishes and such… he started telling me of his latest (his words) “kinkdrama” which included running away and being taken in by a hermaphrodite vampire. Bingo – he was pushing one of my bigger triggers vampirism.
So we started spending time together… and I mean a LOT of time. Like upwards of 10 hours a day time. He was my adorable and adoring lil boy. He was there when I woke up and I would “tuck him in” each night. Things were largely wonderful and he was opening up to me… he’s an extremely private person, so I found this slow bonding very sweet. But his boundaries became cumbersome for me… like he simply refused to get on voice with me. Or call me. He said it was because he had been hurt very badly before… but it was something I wanted, so I was willing to patiently guide him in that direction. It was a couple of days maybe – definitely inside a week that luc was saying “I love you Mistress” whenever he’d have to leave me. Which I am ok with, I understand that submission often involves deep feelings of care, which are sometimes confused for love. I also completely believe in varying degrees of love, and when I take someone as my own there is certainly a level of love involved.
My time with luc was VERY fun, we did all kinds of goofing off and exploring SL. Luc was very childlike when it came to his excitement over fun things… games, toys, etc. And he LOVED Christmas. I’m kinda ambivalent when it comes to Christmas, especially in SL – but it was uber important to luc… so we’d go Christmas shopping. It was evident holiday decorations were way more important to him than I, so I put him in charge of decorating the castle for Christmas. I gave him 2000L for a decorations budget and we grabbed a tree and few other items right away. It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet, but luc was so excited our tree was already out.
As I mentioned earlier when we first started spending time together, we discovered we shared an affinity for Vampires. And so we spent a good amount of time visiting and exploring vampire sims in SL. We found a feeding table in one such sim, and decided I needed my own. We spent a LOT of time looking for a good table/feeding pose to almost no avail. Eventually we found a pose and luc said he’d build me a table. While we were exploring the vampire sims, I found myself an awesome coffin and some really nice vampirism art. I picked up a second bondage table and gave it to luc to modify into a feeding table. One morning I woke up and logged into SL to find my vampire room (a secret room in my old castle) completely decked out; luc had built a pedestal for my coffin and candles to surround it and the feeding table, he also had modified the table, positioned the feeding poses, and built me a pretty chair to sit on while I fed on his avatar’s blood. It was all in purple – my favorite color. It was amazing. He told me that when we engaged in vampire RP scenarios I made him feel smaller/more subby than he ever did before.
Less than a week after my pretty purple surprise, luc surprised me again. He sent me a “dear Mistress” letter. I wasn’t logged onto SL, but I received an email notification that luc had sent me a notecard. I logged on to accept and read the notecard, it said:
im going to be re-vamping my life, changing a lot of things
im leaving sl for the time being
sorry..but ive decided to do this
it has NOTHING to do with you or us
its ALL me
i just want to do some things in rl
i wont be on sl, i wont have time for it
love ya MWK..and thank you so much for being my friend
-luc
I also was somewhat shocked to find that not only had he removed all his things from the castle, but also had taken all the items that he had created from my vampire room. He even took my 900L bondage table. I was SHOCKED. Hurt. Confused. I tried talking to him, but he wouldn’t speak with me. And when he finally would, he’d pretend to be someone else, he’d tell me “I’m not luc, I’m summer. Luc said to tell you….”. Last direct communication I had with Luc was weeks after he left, when he told me that he wasn’t luc but rather some dude that bought luc’s avatar and inventory. *rolls her eyes*
As if him leaving like that and taking those items wasn’t bad enough – it gets worse! Based on the way he left and the things he took with him, I kicked him outta my group and banned him from my parcel. I guess he wanted to really “hurt” me, cuz a couple days later he stood on an adjacent parcel, cammed through my walls and stole my Christmas tree. Can you fucking believe it? I couldn’t. Neither could my friend Zoe. Next time Zoe saw luc she asked him about me and he told her he left me cuz I “wanted to suck his blood RL. And sorry but he’s just not into Vampires”. WTF??! He was the one the brought it up.
Buuuuuut whatever, that was luc. Every so often I’ll search SL for his profile for a good giggle, and every so often (though less these days) he’ll still leave a veiled message to me in his profile somewhere… it’s funny.
There, that’s where my distraction from my blog began, and maybe next time I’ll fill you in on why it was so easy to continue not blogging. OOOOOOOOR I may blog about something potentially even more embarrassing…
My latest crush: Jason Castro (of American Idol fame)!!! I can’t help it – I am seriously crushing on this dreaded cutie. So much so I instructed my faithful puppy to track down his email address. Thus far he’s been unsuccessful, though he HAS tried. Maybe if I up the ante and let him know there’s the GOOD possibility for a fully actualized orgasm in it for him – maybe he’d be more motivated to reallllllly dig. *winks*
